It’s hard for me to forgive…

Do you find it hard to forgive? If your answer is yes, then you are not alone…

At a very young age I have learned resentment. After I was molested at nine years old, not by one but two relatives, I stopped to be a normal child. I had a lot of hate inside me. I was bitter because no one was able to protect me. I hated my father for being an irresponsible and absent father. I hated how my mom was not able to stay home to take care of us. I kept the bitterness inside me for almost all my life and because of this, forgiving other people is something I always struggle with.

I grew up very sensitive of my feelings and very concerned of how other people see me. I remember how I would distance myself from friends or relatives who offended me, not talking to my mom or siblings for weeks, months, because of something they have said or done, and how I would skip church for a long time to avoid some people. I lost valuable time and relationships because it is hard for me to forgive.

“Learning to love yourself, is the greatest love of all” that’s the lyrics from a well-known song. If you will think about it, it’s not absolutely true. Loving yourself is the easiest thing to do. It’s easy to think of yourself, it’s easy to be selfish, it’s easy to take advantage of others for your benefit. It’s also the reason why it’s hard to forgive. When we are hurt, what we feel is the center of the universe, it’s always about us.

No, loving yourself is not the greatest love of all, but loving others is. It’s the hardest thing to do. It’s hard because it inconveniences yourself. It requires sacrifice. It requires you to deny yourself and your entitlement. It requires you to look past the offense. It requires you to forgive.

Forgiving others is hard and yet it’s one thing you have to do over and over again for the rest of your life. Because the truth is, people will offend you, hurt you, whether intentionally or unintentionally. It’s inevitable. I don’t think I could have ever forgiven those who have wronged me without relying on God. Forgiving others is a never-ending pursuit. It’s hard, so let God help you do it. You don’t have to go through it alone. Let him enable you to do it.

When other women flirt with your man

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Image from WikiHow

How do you react when other women flirt with your man?

For my new followers, I’m in a long distance relationship with my husband. I live here in the Philippines while my husband lives in Canada. We dated online for a year and we’ve been married for 6 months now. We’ve been in a long distance relationship since Day 1 and continued it after we got married. We’re working on my visa now so we can finally be together.

The very first thing we agreed when we started dating was to be honest with each other. We remained committed to that agreement and it even got stronger when we got married. I’m always honest with my husband when someone asks me out. When I was still single, when someone asks me out, I blatantly say “I can’t” because I’m already in a relationship. Some of these guys told me that my boyfriend doesn’t have to know if I go out with them. How can these guys assume that I would go out with them without my husband’s knowledge? I find it disrespectful and low. I feel sorry for women who will end up with these type of men. Clearly, these type of men have the 99% tendency to cheat in their relationships.

There was this instance that my husband’s friend added me on FB. This guy was his usual acquaintance and I couldn’t believe that he told lies about my husband and tried to hit on me. I talked to my husband and told him about what his friend was doing. I even questioned him why he hangs out with this kind of person. We both agreed that we’re going to block him on FB and that he would stop hanging out with this guy. It was crazy.

Likewise my husband tells me when women express interest in him. I can still remember when an ex-girlfriend of his kept on asking him to go back to her when obviously and publicly she knew my husband is in a relationship with me already. My husband told her nicely that he is happy with me and wished her happiness too. My husband is a nice person and sometimes other women misinterpret his kindness to being interested in them. Just a month ago, two women expressed interest in him. I was even surprised that one of them knew he was already married and she didn’t care. She kept on messaging my husband even if he was constantly ignoring her messages until later on she gave up. While the other woman asked him out and my husband said he doesn’t hang out with other women alone in respect of me.

My husband joked that he should place his hand on his chin while talking to women so they would instantly notice the wedding ring and see that he’s already married! I told my husband “You’re too nice that you’re sending the wrong signal to these women. You wouldn’t want me to be too nice to other men that I send the wrong signal.” And he thought, he wouldn’t like that. We talked about how to avoid giving wrong signals and agreed that when talking to other people who express interest in us, we will mention “my wife” and “my husband” phrases in the conversation. But the problem is, these women already knew my husband is married and yet still want him!

We agreed we wouldn’t go out with the opposite sex alone except for some instances when it’s really needed and that we both agreed on it. When we got married, we are already intertwined with each other. Whatever my husband does reflects and affects me and likewise, whatever I do reflects and affects my husband. In a small town in Nova Scotia where my husband lives, news spreads easily and people love to gossip. We are not going to give other people reason to talk unpleasant things about us.

We trust each other but we also believe that we should not place ourselves in a situation that could lead to temptation. We agreed on these things and we’re happy about it. I know this is not applicable to other couples because everyone is different. For me, the most important thing is that you both agree on it, you’re both happy, and it works for the both of you.

My husband and I always put ourselves in each other’s shoes when we try to come up with an agreement. In this way, we understand each other’s point of view. I appreciate how cooperative, understanding, and committed my husband is in our marriage and that’s what I’m always thankful for. Although we both live on opposite sides of the world, he never gave me the reason to doubt or feel insecure and I do the same. I give the credit to my husband because I learn to be more kind and understanding because it’s who he is and it’s very contagious.

So how would you react when someone flirts with your man?

I say, try to be calm and start a healthy conversation. Try to reach an agreement on how to handle this kind of situation and as much as possible drop judgement and assumptions. To deal with it is worth it, after all, you’re going to spend your lifetime together.

How about you? What do you do when someone flirts with your man?

Day 21 – What Makes Me Sad?

Here are the things that make me sad.

#1 I feel sad when I know someone that I care about has issues or ill-feelings towards me.

When I was growing up, my heart is full of anger and bitterness. This is the reason why I have a gloomy and serious personality. When any member of my family has ill feelings towards me, instead of fixing the conflict, I let my pride overtake. There were many times that I didn’t talk to my mom and siblings for days, weeks, and even months. But I realized that pride, arrogance, and unforgiveness bring me to a pit of darkness and misery. I thank God for changing me everyday. I’ve learned to be meek even if it was not my fault because it’s a waste of time to hold of any grudge, anger or bitterness especially with your loved ones. Life is full of surprises and tragedy. We can lose our love ones anytime. Being stubborn in heart is not worth it.

#2 When at the end of the day I haven’t accomplished anything.

I think this is a good thing in a way that it makes me want to improve my discipline and organization skill. It’s not good when it makes me beat myself up and sulk in regrets.

#3 When I read or hear news about my country, the Philippines.

I feel hopeless for my country whenever I read or hear the news. It’s full of negativity everyday. Politicians are fighting, people are divided, people are dying, and people are still poor.

There are lots of reasons to be sad because the world is cruel and most of the time unfair. But sadness is an important emotion that should be given credit too. You can feel the real essence of happiness because of sadness. It’s what makes us compassionate and generous with other people. It gives us the ability to empathize with other people’s trouble or tragedy. It creates friendships and camaraderie. It makes you appreciative and thankful for what you have. When you’re sad, it should not always be seen as negative. There’s a time to be sad and there’s a time to be happy.

But what if sadness has already taken control of our lives? I don’t have all the answers but one thing I’m certain, God is always there to listen and walk with us if we will let him. We don’t have to go through the process alone. If there’s anyone who knows us and understands us, it is God. People may not be there for us all the time but God is. Why don’t you pour your heart to him now?

How about you? What makes you sad? How do you deal with it?

If you want to participate in this challenge, please read the Start blogging with the 30-day blogging challenge post.

Day 16 – Thoughts On Education

Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world. I won’t be the person I am now without education. I don’t think I will have the capacity to write in the second language and be able to communicate with other people on the other side of the world without education. […]

Day 9 – My Favorite Love Quote

Okay, I should have written this yesterday because today is Day 10. I might failed yesterday but hey, it’s not the end for me. I still have 20 more days to go!

My favorite love quote is

“There’s no substitute for a great love who says, ‘No matter what’s wrong with you, you’re welcome at this table.'”

— Tom Hanks

It’s easy for us to love anyone who is nice and easy to go along with. But what if as the time passes by we discover more and more weaknesses from the person we love? What if we discover bad habits? What if the person you love become depressed that it affects every aspect of his/her life including your relationship? What if his/her attitude changed which is different from the person you have loved from the start. What if he/she cheated on you? What if he/she becomes ill? Will you continue to love? Will you stay?

The songs say “Love yourself” and “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all”. It makes me think, is it love? What is love really? Does love has condition?

I am an emotional person and it’s easy for me to get upset when my husband say something that hurts me. I say to myself, “how can he say that? He doesn’t think of what I feel”. Sometimes I think of not talking to him for a week, but it doesn’t happen because I ask myself “Is this how I suppose to love?.” When I tell him how I feel it always ends up in drama, which I will write about some other time.

Loving is not easy. If you just honestly ask yourself, maybe you will find it out for  yourself if you really have the capacity to love. In relationships, sometimes we look for things that are missing, we think we would find it from another person, it could be attitude, wealth, it could be anything. When we find  a new relationship, we will again realize that something is missing.

I realized as I’m writing this blog, that we have to accept that people are different. And I guess that’s the importance of knowing a person first before jumping in a relationship. It’s always smooth sailing in the beginning, but the water will always get rough eventually and your love will be tested.

I believe love is sticking out for the person even if it’s difficult and inconvenient. For me love is more than loving yourself, ever forgiving and sacrificing, for me love always bear hardship and never gives up.

I don’t know if there is anyone who can love like this aside from God. When I ask myself if I really know how to love. It’s hard to answer.  Honestly, I feel like I can’t love that unselfishly. If my husband cheats on me, I would probably walk awayand not give him any chance. I have the tendency to be self-centered, but when I think of what really love is, it changes my heart.

How about you? What do you think about this quote? What is great love for you?

If you want to participate in this challenge please refer to Start blogging with the 30-day blogging challenge.

 

The Five Languages Of Love

Now, it’s time for you to identify your top 3 love languages. List them down and describe situations that back them up. You may also include your spouse’s top 3 love languages as well. If you have wordpress, ping it back to me. If you dont have wordpress, please feel free to write them in the comments section. Have fun!

Does long distance relationship work? 

There are people who say long distance relationships are destined to fail. They say it couldn’t be a real one if you are not physically together. I respect everyone’s opinion, but these statements are not generally true even if you check the statistics. Long distance relationships have its own advantages and disadvantages, but it doesn’t […]