Tag Archives: Marriage

When I Am Full Of Myself

 

When I was 9 years old, I got molested by my own uncle. I felt so helpless. The years after that incident, I slowly learned how to fight and defend myself. When I went to college, I was ready to fight for my right against any professor who abuses his authority and I was always ready to win any argument. Whenever I hear that any member of my family got wronged and they didn’t do anything about it, I always feel frustrated and angry. Now that I am married, my husband is not an exception. Last week, when I asked my husband about his work, he told me that someone embarrassed him. Instead of encouraging and consoling my husband, I got upset with him because he didn’t do anything to defend himself. I even gave him an ultimatum that unless he promised to report the incident to his superior, we won’t be okay. These are my husband’s words,

“I thought when someone slaps you in the cheek, you should give the other side of your cheek? I don’t want that person to be in trouble because of me, I already forgave her. You only heard my side of story, let me decide for myself”.

When I heard those words, I calmed down and said sorry. I knew I was wrong. I needed to go to work so I was crying on my way. When I reached the office, my boss was already there and I couldn’t help myself but told him what happened and I cried even more. My boss said,

“When a person is so full of himself, he has less frustration tolerance for obstacles that stand in his way to get or achieve what he wants.”

Why did I get upset with my husband? Because I wanted him to defend himself but he didn’t want to. I tried to dominate to get what I want and when I didn’t, I felt frustrated. I was full of myself. I was reminded of my role as a wife, and that is, to support my husband with his decisions. It was another lesson for me. My husband is the head of the family, and God will lead our marriage through him. That’s the very reason I need to pray for my him everyday. If there are times that I don’t agree with his decisions, I should trust God and submit to my husband. God is good and faithful for bringing people who support and guide our marriage. I am very thankful.

Ask Your Husband Challenge!

I listed 15 questions for my husband to answer. I told him to be honest with his answers. I gave him the list of questions ahead of time so he could think of his answers. When he was ready, he gave me his answers and we enjoyed discussing it, especially me, I was smiling all the way! My husband agreed to list down his own questions for me to answer! Here are the 15 questions I listed and my husband’s answers.

1. What made you decide to marry me?

“I guess I didn’t consider it carefully. I just followed my heart. It hit me all of a sudden and I thought I want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you”

2. How have you changed since we married?

“I don’t think I changed that much since marrying you because I’m the one you fell in love with. But I changed a lot since you came into my life. Before you, I never thought of myself as the marrying type. My Outlook changed because of you”

3. What is the sweetest thing that I do for you?

“You fill my love tank. You always make me feel loved and secure”

4. What do I do that make you feel most loved?

“You choose to spend your free time with me. Nothing says love to me more than quality time together. Building bonds and memories”

5. What do you find attractive about me?

“Intelligence. Physically: your eyes, lips, nose and skin color

6. What do I do that you don’t like the most?

“It’s kind of a negative question but right now I’m peeved that I can never beat you at chess”

7. What is the best memory you have of us?

“Airport. I realized you ever more beautiful in person and the hearts were bulging from my eyes like in the cartoons.”

8. How can I help you be a better father?

“Maybe you can help me pick out clothes for my daughter. I’m brutal at that. Just spending time with her too, playing with her, doing fun things together”

9. What makes me the best wife?

“You make me feel loved, happy, and secure. You are committed to the ideals of marriage when many are not”

10. In what ways are we similar?

“We are both passionate about teaching and learning. We both like travel, language, and culture”

11. In what ways are we different?

“I think you are more emotional. I have emotions too but I keep them in check.”

12. What makes you feel insecure about my love for you?

“I think I always feel secure”

13. What are things that you would like us to do together as hobbies?

“Travel, exercise, biking, swimming and indoor stuff. Doesn’t matter what we do as long as we do it together”

14. What do you think are your best qualities as a husband?

“I express my love, patience, loyalty, understanding, supportive”

15. Where do you want to retire?

“I’d consider retiring in the Philippines when my daughter is grown up. I love it there, you’d be closer to friends and family and our retirement dollars will go farther. Maybe it’d be ideal to spend just the cold Canadian winter in the Philippines.”

There you are. It’s your turn! Why don’t you list down questions that you want to ask? You may also use the 15 questions I listed and also share it with your friends. Remind your husband to be honest with his answers. Take this challenge and have a nice conversation with your husband today! You may also post/publish yours.

 

Back

Does long distance relationship work? 

There are people who say long distance relationships are destined to fail. They say it couldn’t be a real one if you are not physically together. I respect everyone’s opinion, but these statements are not generally true even if you check the statistics. Long distance relationships have its own advantages and disadvantages, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t work. But one thing is for sure, “long distance relationship is not for everyone”.

People have different ways of expressing and receiving love, and as one of the people in a long distance relationship, I can say it’s very crucial if you decide to enter into one. Please refer to my other blog The Five Languages Of Love

People whose top love language is physical touch, a long distance relationship will be tough to handle. This can be an area of weakness that may lead to infidelity. If you decide to enter a long distance relationship, you have to be certain that you are with the right person. You have to know his/her primary love language. Long distance relationship requires commitment just like a normal relationship does, so before you invest your time, emotions, and finances, you should make sure that the person is the right one and worth it all.

In marriage, where a spouse needs to go to another place or country to work, I think it’s very important that you know your spouse’s need to feel loved. We have to face the reality that the need to fill the longing for physical intimacy will be there and it can lead one to go astray just to fill the need unless both are committed to their goals for the family and committed to being faithful and being unselfish.

When my husband and I started our long distance relationship, I made clear of two things that we must give, complete honesty and time. He tells me when other women show an interest in him and I tell him when other men show an interest in me. We agree that we should never go out alone with others and go to places where we can be vulnerable to temptations like going to clubs and pubs or spend overnight in parties.

Long distance relationship can be more intimate than a normal relationship because you tell everything that happens to your everyday life even the simple errands and the people you encounter. You express your fears, happiness, and aspirations. You plan your future together and set goals to achieve it together.

In a span of one year, we planned to see each other and get married and we did. We set goals and continue working on it so we can be finally together. This is what I think is one of the important things in a long distance relationship, you should have a goal and it should be clear where your relationship is going and both should be committed and work to achieve your desired destination.

So does long distance relationship work? Yes, it does.

%d bloggers like this: